


stab me yourself u coward

by bazookajo94



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Humor, M/M, Texting, Wrong Number AU, andrew makes multiple death threats and neil is just like lol wut, fake dating but only for a second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazookajo94/pseuds/bazookajo94
Summary: wrong number au.Andrew is a popular exy star and just wants his upstairs neighbors to stop throwing parties. Too bad death threats don't work on people who have been threatened by the actual mafia.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 33
Kudos: 827
Collections: All For The Game random short stories





	stab me yourself u coward

**Author's Note:**

> look im a slut for wrong number aus and ive noticed that all the ones in this fandom are on neil's side so i thought i'd change it up
> 
> I made neil text the way he does because i 100% believe he wouldn't care that the first letter auto capitalizes and i 100% believe andrew actively uncapitalizes words for the Gay Aesthetic

A: _do you live in 201_

N: How did you get this number?

A: _do you live there_

N: Who gave you this number?

A: _if you and your roommates don’t shut the fuck up I’ll kill you_

N: How did you get this number?  
N: Also fuck you  
N: I don’t live in 201

A: _this number was listed in their file_

N: Wtf you broke into their file?

A: _what’s your name?_

N: Fuck off

A: _if you’re not in 201 than nvm_

N: Jesus Christ

*

N: Have you killed 201 yet?

A: _no_

N: Damn

*

A: _do you live in 205? because if you don’t stop feeding the birds at 5 in the morning I’ll kill you and the birds_

N: Was my number in that file too? Stop texting me

A: _stop keeping me up at night_

N: You don’t even know me  
N: I’m not throwing parties  
N: I’m not feeding birds  
N: Fuck off

A: _block my number_

N: I don’t know how

A: _jesus christ_

*

A: _if you’re in 102 and having a lot of sex all night I’m going to stab you_

N: I’d like to see you try  
N: Also I’m not in 102  
N: Why aren’t you breaking into files anymore?

*

N: Really if you want to kill 201 I’ll help you

A: _will you now_

*

A: _if you are the scarred man who runs at 5 in the morning then fuck off I hate you_

N: No fuck off I hate YOU

A: _you live in 202_

N: If you come to my room and try to kill me I’ll kill you

A: _I’d like to see you try_

*

N: You’re Andrew Minyard

A: _how did you get this number_

N: Famous exy star extraordinaire

A: _who gave you this number_

N: Lol

A: _I’ll block your number_

N: Finally

*

A: _meet me downstairs_

N: Why? Also fuck you no

A: _I won’t wait forever_

N: I’m not coming down  
N: How do you even know I’m home

A: _meet me downstairs_

N: Are you going to kill me?

A: _yes_

*

A: _I can’t believe you’re actually that dumb in person_

N: Block my number  
N: Kill me  
N: You coward

*

A: _do you have snapchat_

N: Wtf is snapchat

A: _come to my room_

N: No

*

N: Why did you make me get this app

A: _so you can stop sending me pictures of your cat through text message_

N: But I’m still sending you pictures of my cat just on a different app

A: _this way is better_

N: I wish you had killed me so I don’t have to put up with you anymore

A: _me too_

*

N: Why is 201 the worst

A: _what now_

N: They left trash in the hallway last night  
N: I literally slipped on a banana peel  
N: I’m bleeding

A: _I’m coming up_

N: Why so you can finish the job

*

Nicky: **andrew is being weird**

Aaron: so

Nicky: **so have you noticed?**

Aaron: no

Nicky: **you haven’t talked to him lately?**

Aaron: no

Nicky: **ugh**

*

N: So are we going to this thing or not?

A: _do you have the clothes I picked out for you_

N: Yes

A: _I’ll come get you in a minute_

N: And I’m just pretending to be your boyfriend?

A: _yes_

N: So that you can annoy Kevin?

A: _and everyone else_

N: I’m honored of your high opinion of me

A: _I’ll kill you_

N: You wouldn’t be the first to try

*

Nicky: **wtf andrew has a boyfriend?????**

Aaron: I doubt it

Nicky: **he brought a boy to the banquet and introduced him as his boyfriend?**

Aaron: and that seems like something andrew would do? he’s fucking with everyone

Nicky: **I don’t know! apparently I don’t know my own cousin if he’s bringing BOYS to events!**

Aaron: whatever

Nicky: **he was kind of scary**  
Nicky: **the boyfriend I mean**  
Nicky: **aaron?**  
Nicky: **don’t you think?**  
Nicky: **he was kind of scary?**  
Nicky: **okay fine whatever**  
Nicky: **I’m gonna get some answers from andrew**

*

Nicky: **who was that you brought?  
** Nicky: **andrew?  
** Nicky: **andrew?  
** Nicky: **u think u can avoid me forever?  
** Nicky: **I’ll start calling in a minute  
** Nicky: **oh, so u’ll just ignore my calls?  
** Nicky: **u think u can block my number?  
** Nicky: **nothing will stop me from finding out the truth**

*

N: Omg was that your cousin downstairs?

A: _don’t_

N: Omg I’m coming over

A: _don’t_  
A: _neil_

*

A: _that was your fault_

N: What I had fun

A: _he’s not going to leave me alone_

N: Why apparently everyone including Kevin knows that you were just bringing me to fuck around and I’m not actually your boyfriend  
N: Are we not friends?

A: _shut up_

N: Fine

*

N: What are these tickets you slid under my door

A: _tickets_

N: Why are there 3 of them

A: _I know you have friends_

N: Who told you

A: _are you coming or not_

N: Why are you bringing me don’t you have to be there like an hour early

A: _are you coming or not_

N: How am I supposed to invite friends when you’re giving me two seconds to come downstairs to you

A: _I’ll leave without you_

N: Give me a minute

*

N: I have tickets to an exy game do you and Dan wanna go?

Matt: omg sick yes when?

N: Right now

Matt: um yeah I think we can make it? who’s playing?

N: Tanagers vs Badgers

Matt: omg how did u get a ticket to that such short notice? that’s kevin day’s team

N: I know a guy

Matt: what a mafia contact from your past?

N: 😏  
N: Meet me at the stadium

Matt: you don’t need a ride?

N: I have a ride

Matt: ?????????????????????

*

Matt: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME UR GUY WAS ANDREW

N: What?

Matt: NEIL U WENT HOME WITH ANDREW

N: We live together  
N: Why are you calling me I can’t answer right now

Matt: WHY BECAUSE ANDREW IS WITH YOU

N: No I’m in the bathroom

Matt: and you brought your phone with you? who taught you how to do that?  
Matt: OH MY GOD WAS IT ANDREW

N: I’ll call you when I’m done

Matt: WELL DON’T LET ME GET IN YOUR WAY SPENDING TIME WITH ANDREW ENJOY YOUR NIGHT

N: What are you talking about

Matt: who does the dishes? who takes out the trash? who cooks dinner?

N: ??? We live in the same building Matt we’re not married he’s just my friend

Matt: could have fooled me

*

A: _don’t freak out_

N: Why

*

N: pOpuLaR eXy sTaR ❤ Andrew Minyard ❤ sPotTeD gOiNg HoMe WiTh MyStEriOuS sTrAnGeR WhO CoUlD hE bE 👀 🔍

A: _how long did that take to type out_

N: No comment

A: _is that why you haven’t been texting me all day_

N: Yes

A: _idiot_

N: No you  
N: According to this article you sMiLe ArOuNd Me and then they posted a picture and you’re not even smiling

A: _I never smile_

N: I know

A: 🙂

N: 😯

*

Nicky: **andrew we’re having a family dinner bring neil  
** Nicky: **andrew I know u unblocked my number don’t block it again  
** Nicky: **andrew u have to bring neil to dinner  
** Nicky: **don’t block me  
** Nicky: **dammit**

*

N: Why did you take a screenshot of the selfie I just sent

A: _no comment_

N: Andrew Minyard, starting goalie for the Tanagers, what are your thoughts on saving pictures on snapchat without the other person’s consent

A: _do you want to die_

N: You have yet to follow through on your threats

A: _the time is fast approaching_

[Neil Josten took a screenshot]

A: _why did you save that picture_

N: Evidence for the police when they find my body

A: _I’m coming up_

N: Feed my cat once I’m gone

*

Aaron: bring neil to family dinner  
Aaron: andrew don’t block me  
Aaron: andrew it’s me ur darling twin brother u love so much don’t BLOCK ME  
Aaron: dammit

*

Aaron: I told you it wouldn’t work

Nicky: **ughhhhh**

*

Kevin: You need to come to more of Andrew’s games.

N: What? Who is this? How did you get my number?

Kevin: I will get you the tickets.

N: Who the fuck is this?

Kevin: Kevin Day.

N: Oh my god

Kevin: What is your email?

N: Why do I need to go to more of Andrew’s games

Kevin: He tries when you’re there.

N: Wow okay email me the tickets

*

N: Kevin gave me tickets to your next game

A: _why_

N: He thinks you play better when I’m there

A: _interesting_

*

Kevin: Andrew what the fuck.

A: _what_

Kevin: Why did you throw the game?

A: _maybe neil made me nervous_

Kevin: I hate you.

A: _good_

*

N: I have a work thing do you want to go

A: _what is it_

N: A work thing

A: _no_

N: Food will be provided

A: _fine_

*

N: Why haven’t you killed 201 yet

A: _why haven’t you?_

N: I’m the most likely suspect

A: _why_

N: No comment

A: _neil_

N: Can you just follow through? Can you just do it now? They’re scaring my cat

A: _what did you say to them_

N: Nothing

A: _what did you do to them_

N: Nothing you can prove

A: _neil_

N: Come upstairs I’m bored

*

N: So friends do that too huh

A: _shut up_

N: Nicky will be delighted when I tell him the good news

A: _don’t_

N: Matt has been telling me all along we were together but I said we weren’t  
N: and lo and behold  
N: You won me over in the end  
N: You sly dog

A: _shut up  
_ A: _I hate you_

N: Then fucking act like it

*

N: When’s dinner with Nicky?

A: _never_

N: I’m coming down

*

Nicky: **andrew I love neil so much  
** Nicky: **please keep bringing him with u to family dinner**

A: _family dinner wasn’t even a thing until you met neil_

Nicky: **okay keep bringing neil to neil dinner then  
** Nicky: **jesus stop blocking me what’s even the point when you unblock me the next day????????**

*

A: _if you keep waking up at 5 am to run I’m going to kill you_

N: Outside. Five minutes. Behind the bleachers. Let’s finish this

A: _people make out behind the bleachers not fight_

N: We can do that too

*

A: _why did you leave in the middle of the night_

N: You’re right 102 needs to stop having so much sex

A: _I know_

N: We should beat them at their own game

A: _we should_

*

N: Andrew I didn’t tell you about my horrible past so you could ignore me for three days  
N: What did you think the scars were from  
N: Look they’re all mostly dead anyways so I’m fine

A: _mostly dead_

N: Yeah so I’m fine

A: _mostly fine_

N: Will you just come see me?

A: _no_

N: Oh now you block my number

*

Nicky: **have u and neil made up yet**

A: _no_

Nicky: **well that’s gonna make neil dinner really awkward**

*

A: _stop sending me pictures of your cat I don’t want to see you right now_

N: Because you’re scared

A: _because I’m mad_

N: Coward

*

Unknown Number: is this the dude in 101?

A: _no_

Unknown Number: look I got your number from my neighbor he wanted me to tell you his phone is broken and he’s in the hospital

A: _who’s your neighbor_

Unknown Number: I don’t know, the kid with the scars?

*

A: _you were supposed to be back five minutes ago_

N: I fell asleep these are strong pain pills come help me I’m tired

A: _don’t run into traffic then_

N: Don’t ignore me for a week then

*

A: _come downstairs_

N: Why

*

N: Matt wants me to play soccer with him but they play on weekends

A: _okay_

N: I only have this weekend to move my stuff before I’ll be busy for a while

A: _fine_

N: Is that okay?

A: _neil you have like two things I think I can handle it_

N: Well one of those things is you so yeah I hope you can handle it

*

N: What should we do for 201 as a parting gift?

A: _stab them_

N: Okay

*

N: Nicky wants to throw a housewarming party

A: _ew_

N: It’s mandatory since it’s at our apartment

A: _I’ll leave_

N: Take me with you

A: _no_

N: Bitch

A: 😔

N: I’m hungry can you bring me home some sushi?

A: _ew_

N: Fish is good

A: _no_

N: Yes

A: _I hate you_

N: Should have killed me when you had the chance

A: _the night is still young_


End file.
